A while ago (almost 2 years ago), I joined a group on meetup.com for singles in my area. I’m not new here, but since I don’t work outside the house anymore, and I’m not in school anymore, and all my friends are married or in serious relationships or have kids, or some combination of that, I don’t have any way to meet new people. And since my current friends are all busy with their new families-in-the-making, I don’t have any friends to go out and do things with anymore.
I do a lot of things with my Mom.
Don’t laugh, she’s a kickass Mom! She would take me to heavy metal concerts when I was a kid (and I mean a kid – like 12 years old), and she got her first tattoo for her 60th birthday, and is looking to get her 3rd tat soon. She rocks!
But, as much as I love Mom, I would like to have some friends who will go to a bar with me, or go with me to see a live band at a club, things like that. Not to mention, I’m very single and very disenchanted with online dating, and not meeting men on my own. So, I joined this group for singles. They have a lot of events and meetups at bars or clubs, just places where they get together in a group and hang out, meet each other and new people, make new friends, maybe make a flirty connection, etc.
Like I said, I joined a while ago. I haven’t been to any of their events yet.
But I am thinking of biting the bullet tomorrow night. There will be about 20 people (which is a small turnout for this group) meeting at a bar in the city near me for a Singles Night. Normally I’d use the excuse of, I don’t want to get dressed nice and go all the way to City-town. It might suck and if I leave after 15 minutes, that’s a 45 minute drive there for 15 minutes of disappointment and then another 45 minute drive home, and I just don’t feel like going through all that effort.
But, tomorrow afternoon I’ll be at Mom and Dad’s house, which is only 5 minutes from the city. So if I’m already up there, I can hang at Mom and Dad’s until it’s time to drive to the bar. It’s really rather convenient.
But, oh! The anxiety! I’m already nervous and jittery about going tomorrow. I’m telling myself, Well, I haven’t decided that I’m definitely going. I might go, but I might not. I’ll decide tomorrow. Nothing to even think about tonight. Yeah, not working. Turns out my nerves are pretty clued in to my brain, not just the thoughts I send to them.
Here’s the kicker – I don’t get nervous in social situations. I don’t get anxiety from meeting new people or being the center of attention – I love it! I’m that person that tells the waitress when it’s her own birthday and asks for the waitstaff to come over and sing to her so the whole restaurant and clap along and look at her. I love that shit!
So I can only assume the anxiety is coming from the idea of going to a bar alone, to meet a bunch of people who I’m thinking have already met each other, leaving me the odd person out. That makes me uncomfortable, being the one who obviously is on the outside.
Does anybody else get anxiety like this? Over not fitting in? I’m sure there are people who do, but most of the time when I read about or talk to people who have anxiety, it’s a fear of being focused on or a fear of meeting new people that triggers it, not a fear of being over-looked.
Could it be that I don’t even know how to be anxious in the right way?