I love answering questions in interview form like I’m someone other people are fascinated with (someday I’ll be famous. I’m not sure for what yet – it may just before my own personal brand of craziness, but I’ll take what I can get.). Sorry to say, this means you, dear readers, are going to have to read my “interviews”. Or, you could just skip over them. I suppose that’s always an option, too.
Anywhore, here’s the first one. Found these “questions” in a magazine and I thought it was a great way to start. I’d love to hear your own answers to these in your own blog post or even just in the comments!
I recently upgraded… my wardrobe. In the last 2 years I’ve lost (and kept of!) over 100 pounds. As a result, none of my old clothes fit. As I lost weight, I bought some new clothes so I wasn’t constantly wearing things that were falling off me, but I didn’t want to go all out on a new wardrobe until I was at a weight I was going to stay at for a while. Although I still have at least another 50 pounds to lose, I haven’t lost (or gained) any weight (beyond a fluxing 5 pounds) in the last year, so I felt safe finally upgrading my wardrobe. Now that I’m in smaller sizes and I feel better, I’m wearing clothes that are more my style and that I’ve always wanted to wear. I recently bought a fake leather circle skirt, a pair of hot pink pumps, a leopard print circle skirt, an adorable sundress, boyfriend jeans… all the things I wanted but was never able to wear before.
But I’ll never change… my style! I am not a girly-girl. I do occasionally like wearing dresses or skirts, but when I do, they have a bit of an edge (like the leather skirt) or I wear them with something to make them less girly (like the adorable sundress with the hot pink poppy on it I plan on wearing with my hot pink pumps, and a hot pink studded cuff bracelet). Long before they became popular, I was wearing skulls, and long after they are popular I’ll still wear them. I love my black motorcycle boots with the silver studs on them (and also the flats and the sandals that match them). In the summer, I rotate between a leopard and red rose printed Betsy Johnson purse that has black leather ruffles on it and a black leather and silver studded Guess purse (and I don’t own them because of the labels; I own them because I love the way they look and I got them super cheap on sales at discount stores for less than $20 each!). My toenails have been painted the same color blue for so long (16 years) to match my foot tattoo that when I take the polish off, the nails have their own blue tint. I prefer to be casual, a la jeans and a comfy shirt, but, despite all this, I clean up very nicely. I just do it in my own way.
When I need an attitude upgrade, I… get in the water. Ideally a river, the ocean, or outdoor pool, but I’ll happily take an indoor pool, and when that’s not possible, my bathtub is a great substitution. Even a shower works if I don’t have a lot of time. For me, water is purifying. As I float in it, or let it pour over me, I can literally feel it taking away the negativity that has seeped into my body. It washes away anger, regret, depression, frustration, worry, fear. I let it take all that away and let my body relax and go limp. And when all that is gone and I feel empty and hollow, the water then floods into me and fills me back up with good energy. I chose the form I want that energy to take, depending on what I need – strength, courage, hope, calmness, healing, forgiveness, self-love. I let it fill me until I’m about to burst and I can step out of the water and face whatever it was that led me there with a new attitude. It works every single time.
I was inspired to improve my… way of thinking. My BFF K is the most positive person I know, even when she’s having a bad day, things are going horrible, or she’s being pessimistic. Wait, what? Yes, I know what I said. She’s positive even when she’s negative. What I mean by that is even when everything in her life is crazy and she’s about to crack, she has this way of looking at things compartmentally and saying “Ok, I can’t deal with X until A, B, and C happens, so I’m not going to worry about it right now. And there’s nothing I can do about Y, so we’re going to (mentally) put Y in the toilet and flush that thought away. I have to deal with Z, so first thing in the morning I’ll do what I need to do to get the ball rolling on Z and see what the next steps are, and as for Q, well, fuck Q…” She’s able to rationally look at the irrational things in her life and let go of the things she can’t control so they don’t make her crazy, but also to stop herself for stressing over things that she can’t fix UNTIL she can fix them! Most people will worry about X nonstop, even if they have to wait for A, B, and C to happen before they can deal with X. But not my BFF. She can just put it on pause and come back to it when the time is right. As a result, although she has more stress than anyone else I know (she’s 35 with a full-time job, she’s getting her PhD, plus her and her hubby are living on one salary while her hubby looks for work. Oh yeah, and did I mention they have 3 kids under 4 years old, one who has signs of mental illness and one who is a foster child who at any minute could be taken away from them?), she’s able to laugh and look at things with a positive attitude on a daily basis. And she cheers me up every single time I talk to her, even if I was already in a good mood. By trying to think more like her, (not worry about things I can’t deal with right now, fix what can be fixed, flush away things that aren’t really important and do nothing but upset me, and say Fuck It to things that bring nothing but negativity to my life) I’ve noticed less stress, less grumpiness, less sadness, and even a little less meanness in me. I’ve found myself being more laid back, saying (and believing) things like “I can’t change it, so I just have to see what happens,” and I’ve even caught myself slowing down and taking deep breaths to relax and calm myself a few times. I catch myself when I start to worry or stress or get sad about something a lot quicker than I used to and (here’s the big part) I can usually stop that train of though before it gets out of control and change the way I am thinking about that situation! I always believed that our thoughts heavily influenced our moods and even our lives, but I never have the tools to find a way to change the way I thought. K has shown me those tools and inspired me to learn how to use them, and I’m feeling a whole lot better as a result.